"But in this world, I wonder do ya'll realize that most guys could care less about your makeup?"
I'll share a story. A while back I was getting dressed to go to a fancy dinner/gala type thing with an ex. For AN HOUR AND A HALF, I primped, preened, pressed, pulled, plucked and painted- get my drift? I mean, for real, red carpet ready. When he arrived, I quickly finished up, walked into my living room and asked the fateful question, "How do I look?"
He glanced, dryly replied "You look fine" and returned to his Blackberry. (Insert creative sound effect for dying boner here.)
I think at that point I decided I didn't like him anymore.
Well, obviously there were much deeper reasons for the demise of the relationship than the lackluster reaction to the 'fit. But rest assured, a laconic response to a woman's very ardent effort to look good for her man will cause an abrupt and certain skydive from cloud 9. And while I did not think he would walk in and somehow mistake me for Beyonce in concert in my own home, I would have appreciated a more enthusiastic approval.
So in response to the question I say yes, we do realize that most [straight] men do not care about the way we blend a matte chocolate brown shadow into the outside corner of the lid to create a subtle smokey eye effect. But that's not the point. If a woman will go through painstaking and time consuming efforts to look good for someone who she knows would find her just as captivating in a t-shirt and sweats, then she cares... a lot. Women (who enjoy the glam) take pride in that. Because the truth about glitz is we don't do it because we think a man will suddenly feel differently if he sees us bronzed and blushed. The truth is that outside of a little pride in appearance, we hope a man will appreciate our efforts to make him the envy of all other men when he walks into the room with us on his arm, just as much as we appreciate him putting on a suit to meet our parents.
That said, of course a woman knows when a man thinks she is pretty with or without makeup. That's usually at least part of the reason she dates/marries/loves him. (I mean, I personally don't see the fun in dating a man who doesn't think I'm cute but, hey, if masochism is your thing I'm not knocking it.) The extra effort is like buying a new car and getting a free leather interior upgrade. You were going to buy it anyway but damn that makes you happy! That's my humble opinion. I'd love to hear what my girls think. Goodnight
Men consistently under estimate how much the smallest things, say a compliment on your outfit, make up, over all look can do for a woman and for their relationship.
ReplyDeleteA man once said to me "I really like your eye shadow tonight, it looks really pretty" and honestly it was one of the better compliments I've gotten because it wasn't just a overall you look cute, specifics matter.
Good call Jocelyn, totally adding you to my blogroll!
Hi my name is alex and i was introduced to this blog by my friend Terance. To me it seemed like your efforts were aimed at not so much looking good and feeling good as they were to seek approval from someone else, and an ex-bf for that matter."I would have appreciated a more enthusiastic approval." I feel that a woman should not look good for the man but rather look good for herself. If no one else will appreciate your efforts then at least you should recognize the effort that YOU put into it and be happy with the results. In India they teach not to expect things. You expected him to say something positive. You expected some sort of recognition and approval. If one seeks approval and expects notice then the effort loses its meaning and the result becomes nothing more than a mere beggar seeking a handout. Do not let your effort make u feel less and get you down. Be proud of your accomplishment of your "pride in appearance." Do it for no one but yourself.
ReplyDeleteAlex, I can tell you take life very seriously. But you've missed the point! It's not about expectations or approval at all. It's about appreciation. It's about the little things someone does to let you know they feel as good about you as you do about yourself. A confident and secure woman knows she looks good without anyone having to tell her. Her efforts to beautify herself reflect how she already feels! We're not in India my friend.
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