Perhaps we can finish this conversation after your broken neck has healed?

I admit that I struggle with finding the balance between "too much" and "never enough."  In fact, I hesitate to classify anything as one for fear of displaying a lack of appreciation for the good in the other.  But honestly, I tend to think that the random unsolicited approach by an overzealous man that I have never met ("hollering," if you will) is a little too much.

So I was recently on a seemingly normal, daily walk to Starbuck's with my coworkers when I noticed a young man following us.  Initially, I thought nothing of it.  When I later noticed him follow us into the Starbuck's and stand awkwardly by the cash register screaming "excuse me" as I attempted to order my beverage with a line of about ten people behind me, I continued to try and ignore him.  But what I could not ignore was him sticking his hand in my face while I was trying to pay for my coffee.  Nor could I disregard him candidly expressing his thoughts about my appearance in front of my coworkers.  Despite that I can own up to the tinge of flattery that I feel after a man breaks his neck in such a way, I was thoroughly embarrassed.

Hmm... and thus begins the struggle.  While we hope that a man or woman will be brave and secure enough to publicly approach someone of interest if they really want to meet them, there is a point where the whole ordeal goes way overboard.  I mean, isn't a complete lack of discretion or thoughtfulness in approach disturbing to anyone else? Off-putting perhaps? 

In the interest of full disclosure, I'll be forthcoming and admit that I took his email address.  You never know...

You definitely knew what you had... and that's why you let it go

As the saying goes, "You don't know what you got 'til it's gone."

That is, until you get it back, realize what you had, then remember why you didn't want it in the first place.  

The phenomenon of romanticizing over lost relationships is one that never ceases to amaze me.  We break up, get a little lonely, and then start to jones over all the sweet goodness that we are now missing.  But our minds conveniently seem to gloss over the not-so-good things that led us to call it quits in the first place.  Or we fantasize over the good stuff so much that in our minds it starts to outweigh the bad.  Or we may even start to think that things might be different the second time around, only to realize that sh*t has not changed one bit.  

I think it is in our nature to see the good in people sometimes in spite of the bad.  Indeed it is written, "Love keeps no record of wrongs."  (1 Corinthian 13:4)  But do we really think that it is going to be all good the second (or third, or fourth, or fifteenth) time around??  We even console people during rough breakups by telling them that their foresight-lacking ex just didn't realize what he/she had.  In reality, he knew exactly what he had and decided he just didn't want it. 

By contrast, I do admire when people recognize adjustments that can be made to be happy with someone and commit to making those changes for the benefit of being together.  But that situation is a far cry from just giving it another shot because there is nothing (or no one) better to do.  Don't you think?

Oh how I love your subtle subliminality PBO!!

It's the look of disdain that moves me. The underlying "Negro, you really need to stop 

embarrassing us, really." It makes me feel extra special inside. Obama is an art form.  

I take the look that he shot Michael Steele after completely playing him as a chastising 

warning to stop making us all look bad. If I ever see him, I will make all efforts to 

deliver a similar look.

Yes our first date was lovely but I'm not quite ready for marriage

I definitely need some feedback on this one!!  

Okay, I get it, doesn't take a whole day to recognize sunshine.  But what about global weather patterns?  Oscillations?  Climate?  If the title wasn't clear enough then allow me to explicitly express my frustrations with people who move WAY TOO FAST.  One date and all of a sudden you're in love??  I don't think that's a good idea for some many reasons...

First, you know absolutely nothing about me, which tells me that much of the infatuation is based solely on physical appearance.  Secondly, there's no way I am feeling you as much as you're feeling me because, well, I don't know you and that means something to me.  Finally, you're just completely and totally turning me off.  Which is a shame because I was partially interested only 20 minutes ago.

I guess there's a fine line between this and the alternative.  To me, complete disinterest is also a total turnoff.  But I do think there is a way to flirtatiously be cautiously interested without making someone feel like you're going to turn into the temp chick from Obsessed.  Experience has taught me that the first date recitation of all the reasons why someone is "really feeling you" tends to equal CLINGY.  Thus, I tend to shy away.

Thoughts?

The truth about glitz

"But in this world, I wonder do ya'll realize that most guys could care less about your makeup?"

I'll share a story.  A while back I was getting dressed to go to a fancy dinner/gala type thing with an ex.  For AN HOUR AND A HALF, I primped, preened, pressed, pulled, plucked and painted- get my drift?  I mean, for real, red carpet ready.  When he arrived, I quickly finished up, walked into my living room and asked the fateful question, "How do I look?"

He glanced, dryly replied "You look fine" and returned to his Blackberry.  (Insert creative sound effect for dying boner here.)

I think at that point I decided I didn't like him anymore.

Well, obviously there were much deeper reasons for the demise of the relationship than the lackluster reaction to the 'fit.  But rest assured, a laconic response to a woman's very ardent effort to look good for her man will cause an abrupt and certain skydive from cloud 9.  And while I did not think he would walk in and somehow mistake me for Beyonce in concert in my own home, I would have appreciated a more enthusiastic approval.

So in response to the question I say yes, we do realize that most [straight] men do not care about the way we blend a matte chocolate brown shadow into the outside corner of the lid to create a subtle smokey eye effect.  But that's not the point.  If a woman will go through painstaking and time consuming efforts to look good for someone who she knows would find her just as captivating in a t-shirt and sweats, then she cares... a lot.  Women (who enjoy the glam) take pride in that.  Because the truth about glitz is we don't do it because we think a man will suddenly feel differently if he sees us bronzed and blushed.  The truth is that outside of a little pride in appearance, we hope a man will appreciate our efforts to make him the envy of all other men when he walks into the room with us on his arm, just as much as we appreciate him putting on a suit to meet our parents.

That said, of course a woman knows when a man thinks she is pretty with or without makeup.  That's usually at least part of the reason she dates/marries/loves him.  (I mean, I personally don't see the fun in dating a man who doesn't think I'm cute but, hey, if masochism is your thing I'm not knocking it.)  The extra effort is like buying a new car and getting a free leather interior upgrade.  You were going to buy it anyway but damn that makes you happy!  That's my humble opinion.  I'd love to hear what my girls think.  Goodnight

Allow me to explain

I have insomnia.  There are few options for entertainment at 3a.m.  Thus far, I have found the following to be most amusing: 

(1) the infomercial advertising pills that will increase the size of the male appendage; specifically, the young lady approaching random men on the street asking if they've heard of it.  Interestingly, they've not only heard of it, but every single one of them has also been taking it for months.  All of their wives are quite happy as well.  FYI.

(2) the Teen News (though I can't quite figure out why they run this so late at night, do teenagers watch the news at 3a.m.? I wouldn't think so.  I mean, that wouldn't have been my first slumber party choice.  But I also wasn't sexting at that age.  Nor do I currently sext.  All I'm saying is times have changed.  Anyway, I digress...)

(3) the loan modification hotline, allegedly endorsed by Pres. Obama himself.

The dual action colon cleanse system was a close runner up.  You get my point yes?  As gramma used to say, ain't nothin open this late but legs.  Um, not mine though.  Well the infomercial invigoration doesn't last for long.  I think this could be a rather exciting alternative.

Sooo... Men, money and makeup?  Allow me to explain.

I've started to embrace that as I get older, I spend more and more time either seeking, chasing or using these things, in no respective order.  Lately, conversations with my girlfriends seem to focus almost exclusively on them.  We laugh, we cry, we anger because of them.  And in one way or another, they creep into convo every day.  Every hour.

Sure, I enjoy a good amount of political and religious banter as well.  I frequently dabble in social commentary.  And I have really, really smart friends who can hold their own with any pundit.  But we can't hide that we all seek happiness- companionship, a rewarding career and comfortable lifestyle, and beauty, both physical and mental.  Not you huh?  Yeah... right.

And since we spend half our lives either looking for or complaining about these things, I thought it'd be cool to have a forum.  I invite my friends to participate.  I think it'll be fun.  At least for me.

Goodnight